Yankees fans leaving team in droves

I was sent this form by a Yankee fan having trouble filling it out. You may already have seen a copy, but if not...

NEW YORK YANKEES TO BOSTON RED SOX CONVERSION FORM

Thank you for your interest in becoming a member of the Boston Red Sox Fan Club. Due to an unprecedented volume of requests, we are currently processing only fan conversion registrations for New York Yankee fans. Conversion requests from other teams will be accepted once all Yankee requests are processed. We expect this to take a number of weeks based upon the current backlog of requests.

Please take a few moments to fill out the conversion form below to help

us get to know you better and prescribe any required counseling to recover from your previous fan experience.

Name: _______________________________



Address:______________________________



Who’s Your Daddy: ____________________



1. Please select your favorite recent Yankee new player acquisition:

[ ] “Flush” Gordan

[ ] “A-Hole-Rod” Rodriquez

[ ] Gary "Talk-It-Can't-Walk-It" Sheffield

[ ] “Grand Slam” Vazquez

[ ] Kevin “Charlie” Brown



2. Which of the following would you most like to see as the most played YES Network "Great Moments in Yankee History" film clip in 2005:

[ ] Rivera’s "shocking" blown save in Game 4

[ ] Rivera’s "shocking" blown save in Game 5

[ ] The Red Sox spraying celebratory champagne on their fans in Yankee Monument Park

[ ] Vasquez’s grand slam pitch to Johnny Damon in Game 7

[ ] Vaquez’s 2nd home run pitch to Johnny Damon in Game 7

[ ] "Big Papi" Ortiz accepting MVP trophy at Yankee Stadium

[ ] A-Rod crying like a little girl in the dugout after game 7









3. Please indicate the last book you read:

[ ] How to lose the ALCS in four very hard lessons

[ ] Suicide Hotline – It’s not just for Cubs’ fans anymore

[ ] The Heimlich Maneuver -- What to do when choking



4. Which recent Yankees personnel move did you enjoy most:

[ ] Hall-of-Famer Roger Clemens in an Astos’ uniform

[ ] Seeing David Wells in a Padres’ uniform

[ ] Seeing Tino Martinez in a Devil Rays uniform

[ ] Seeing Alphosno Soriano in a Rangers’s uniform

[ ] Seeing Manny Ramirez remain in a Red Sox uniform



5. Which following designation best describes Derek Jeter’s performance in this year's ALCS:

[ ] Captain October

[ ] Captain Underpants

[ ] Captain & Tenille

6. Math: The Red Sox and the Yankees played 26 times in 2005. How many more games did the Red Sox win than the Yankees? (hint: the number is the same as the number in a four game sweep)

7. Please choose your favorite movie:

[ ] Anger Management

[ ] Hunt for Red October

[ ] Damned Yankees

[ ] Still We Believe

8. Finish this sentence: “Alex Rodriquez is

a. overrated

b. overpaid

c. overdue

d. overly prissy

e. over

9. Please select your favorite recent Yankee moment:

[ ] Bucky Dent throwing out the first pitch with more

velocity and movement than Kevin Brown

[ ] The pathetic A-Rod slavishly mimicking every Jeter move and gesture in the Yankees’ dugout

[ ] The Yankees wearing themselves out by scoring 19 runs when

it didn’t really matter, then losing 4 straight while

leaving 10 million potential game-winning runners on base

[ ] Rivera failing to prevent unkempt hooligans from

eating the Yankees’ lunch and handing them their butts



10. Math: How many times have the Yankees won the World Series in the last four years? (hint: less than one)



11. Select the most vociferous, stupid, and annoying Yankee fan:

[ ] Former NYC Mayor and 9-11 profiteer Rudy Giuliani

[ ] Washed up "comic" hack and Yanks personal ballwasher Billy Crystal

[ ] Front-running celebrity phony Jack Nicholson

[ ] Tim McCarver





12. Are you ready to admit that:

a. Ted Williams was better than Joe DiMaggio?

b. Carlton Fisk was better than Thurman Munson?

c. Even Manny Ramirez is faster than Bernie Williams?

d. Reggie Jackson was a better outfielder than Matsui?

e. Gary Sheffield owes his stats to steroid abuse?

f. No self-respecting parasite would invade Jason Giambi?

g. The Yankees were unable to win the ALCS because ex-Red Sox manager Don Zimmer wasn’t sitting next to Joe Torre making all the decisions?

13. Please indicate your favorite moments in Yankee history: (Check all that apply):

[ ] Alex Rodriquez is traded to the Yankees

[ ] Don Mattingly never wins a World Series

[ ] The Yankees let Clemens get away

[ ] The Yankees steal Contreras from Boston, at the cost of many millions, then have to pay millions more to send him to Chicago

[ ] The Yankees let Petitte get away

[ ] Giambi’s steroid abuse causes his body to collapse like a screen door in a hurricane.

[ ] The Yankees let Wells get away

14. Have you experienced any of the following after the embarrassing four game collapse? (Check all that apply)

[ ] Headache

[ ] Uncontrolled Anger

[ ] Heartache

[ ] Holes punched in doors or walls

[ ] Nausea

[ ] Smashed TV screens

[ ] Depression and Broken Dreams

[ ] Avoided Red Sox fans for days or weeks



Once you have completed this form, please forward it to Fenway Park. Then burn all your remaining Yankee clothing, memorabilia, and associated reminders. After reviewing your request, the Red Sox Fan Club will contact you with notification of acceptance or rejection.



I hereby acknowledge that the real "curse" is being a Yankee Fan.



I hereby renounce the New York Yankees for all eternity on this the ______ day of ________________, 200__









____________________________________

(Signed)



(Office Use Only)

[ ] Approved

[ ] Declined

______________________________

John Henry


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